Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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