You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well you can't waste a boner
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
