I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
