he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
