yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
