How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
