I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
