The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
