This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize