This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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