words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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