I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
