everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
