i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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