Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
