she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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