So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
