Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
