oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
