i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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