I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize