FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
