I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
