i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
