Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
