haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
