I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
