How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
