I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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