Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
