you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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