garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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