I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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