Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
