walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
