:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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