How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
