omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
