yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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