He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
