How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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