So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
