i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
