put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
People in love make me want to vomit
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
