I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
