Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
