Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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