Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
