So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
