i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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