ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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