Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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