I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
