well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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