Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
