It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize