I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drake has all the answers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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