did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
