Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
