So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
