literally had 100 drinks last night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i think i just lost a toe
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
