So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
