I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
