Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
