if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
