I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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