Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
