You're completely useless in the revolution.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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