You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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