come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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