6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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