I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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