i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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