I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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