2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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