forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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