his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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