Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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