i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
