we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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