i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize