I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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