You're so nebulous sometimes
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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