Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
