uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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