I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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