I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
