Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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