Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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