this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
